Gloriousney

It’s worth saying from the onset that I’m incapable of typing, or even thinking, anything impartial about Britney Jean Spears. She is a delicate flower sent from heaven above that should be treated with respect from all that are lucky enough share this planet with her; the fact that she is still breathing and has a smile on her face in 2016 is more than enough for me. I’ve loved her from the start; I enjoyed the Femme Fatale Tour (admittedly I’d had so many happy hour cocktails I failed to notice Jedward on stage with her until I saw it online the next day). I thought Britney Jean was full of bops. Hell, I will even admit *whispers* I DIDN’T THINK PRETTY GIRLS WAS THAT BAD.

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Even through her troubled years she had my unbroken support; in fact people wanting her to fail make me want to support her more. I bought ‘Blackout’ on the day of release by slapping my CD on the counter in HMV and announcing to the startled looking cashier “I’d like to show my love and support for Britney Spears by purchasing this CD please”.

But recently there seems to be a genuine shift in the world of Ms Spears; recent appearances such as her performance at the Billboard Music Awards as well as her increasingly allowing us into her world (clue – she likes tea, yoga and her boys) via social media suggest that she has that old spark back. But can this translate to her highly anticipated new album??

The answer is yes. Britney sounds confident, happy and ALIVE. I mean she’s always been Britney (bitch) but recent years have seen her voice layered and vocal effects used to create robotic effects; but on Glory we can hear her pure voice that hasn’t been apparent since the early 00s. ‘Private Show’ has echoes of her vocals from her diamond selling debut album…the jazzy precocious style I loved and never understood why needed disguising with vocoders. As an album ‘Glory’ could not be perfect and it makes me come out in goosebumps just thinking about how much I love it and how much I love Britney.

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Here is a rundown of my thoughts on the track listing:

Invitation

Perfect album opening…Britney sounds like a fairy princess addressing a field full of unicorns; and is there any higher compliment than that? What heaven sounds like.

Make Me…(ft G-Eazy)

I love this song more and more everytime I hear it, and in context with the rest of the album is the perfect first single. It’s a song I like to choreograph in my head; and I only do that with A+++ tunes. I have no idea who or what a G-Eazy is but even the rap works with the context of the song for me.

Private Show

Dare I say it, my least favourite on the album? Might be ‘cos I played it to death when was first released as an instant grat track; but could also be due to the constant adverts for the perfume of the same name popping up all the time on Britney Spears: American Dream. Britney babes, I love you, but I’m a Chanel girl and as much as I love you I will never wear a perfume that can be bought in Superdrug. Soz.

Man On The Moon

We all know Britney’s invented the concept of outer space with the speaky bit on ‘Oops!… I Did I Again’ and it’s nice to see her further explore a celestial theme with this mid tempo ode to Neil Armstrong.

Just Luv Me

Britney, you don’t need to ask twice I already luv you. Vocalney is out in full force for the ad libs on this mellow album track

Clumsy

OOOPS! With this single track Britney rendered any song in which the singer doesn’t giggle the word “ooops” before the bass dropping redundant. Perfection.

Do You Wanna Come Over

Another flawfree track. Britney is always at her best when employing double entrendres and this is double entrendre central. The shouty chorus with Britney’s spiraling vocals is just perfect.

Slumber Party

Britney swears! And I’m down for any expletives tbh. I didn’t like this one to start off with but it’s growing on me. Fun fact – Britney invented a new form of music called reggae with this track.

Just Like Me

Despite the song starting with an acoustic guitar (no hun) I like (not luv) this one. Does this remind anyone else thematically of Madge’s ‘She’s Not Me’ from Hard Candy?

Love Me Down

Is Britney rapping? Speak/singing is rapping in my opinion so the answer is yes. I’m a fan of this one too.

Hard To Forget Ya

Bollywoodney with a touch of Britney’s iconic ‘The Joy of Pepsi’ jingle. Who knew that was a marriage made in heaven but it is so there.

What You Need

Another jazzy one; are we ready for Britney’s ‘I’m Breathless’?! Makes me want to shimmy round my bedroom and dust off my tap shoes…sorry neighbours.

Better

Love, love, LOVE this one. Yes, it might be a Diplo ripoff but it’s fab. Might be my fave on the album? I need more time to mull this over I think.

Change Your Mind (No Seas Cortés)

Spanishney! Move over Ma Chico Latino and La Isla Bonita. Acoustic guitars may be a no no but flamenco guitars are a different matter.

If I’m Dancing

Dancing is my favourite activity; and Britney perfectly expresses the joy this brings with pulsating beats and Ray Of Light era William Orbit-esque wibbly wobbly sounds. I don’t mean to boast but I do have Grade One violin and this is a technical term used by musicians.

LIAR

I’ve put this one in capitals because it’s THAT GOOD! Britney sounds pissed (in the American sense). Beyonce Lemonade who? Loving the deep south country undertones straight out of Louisiana, bitch.

Coupure Électrique

IT’S FRENCH! FOR BLACKOUT! Britney acknowledges those that had enough taste to recognise Blackoutney for the raw genius she possessed. Who knows what she’s saying on this track; an A grade in French GCSE does not mean you can do more than order a coffee and two croissants in French but I love this. Fingers crossed I don’t get into trouble in Paris in a couple of weeks when I learn this phonetically and whisper it seductively to any garçon I meet.

YOU’RE WELCOME!

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